








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 149 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2064 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,449 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1209 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1472 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1567 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1201 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $745,596 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 192 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Vandmelon | 53% | 43 |
| 48% | 27 | ||
| 44% | 57 | ||
| 43% | 37 | ||
| 40% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2dead2die | 19 | 0.0105 |
| 13 | 0.0175 | ||
| #3 | Vandmelon | 8 | 0.0095 |
| 7 | 0.0140 | ||
| 6 | 0.0108 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2dead2die | 155 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| 85 | 0.11 | 1 min | ||
| 56 | 0.18 | 2 min | ||
| 55 | 0.10 | 1 min | ||
| #5 | Vandmelon | 41 | 0.05 | 1 min |





