












System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 555 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 207 matches | ||
| Esplay | 58 matches | 2,033 | |
| Wingman | 33 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3099 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,029 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6129 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4968 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4959 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3973 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $711,166 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 465 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | MAzy-.- | 53% | 166 |
| #5 | IceBrG` | 52% | 58 |
| #6 | Ηaschbitɛn ⍩ | 51% | 124 |
| #7 | 1hp | 50% | 125 |
| #8 | KrokeN | 38% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MAzy-.- | 6 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | M2☻ | 6 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | 1hp | 4 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Ηaschbitɛn ⍩ | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | KrokeN | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MAzy-.- | 1017 | 0.30 | 28 min |
| #2 | 1hp | 437 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #3 | Ηaschbitɛn ⍩ | 369 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #4 | HumanEdshotMachine | 256 | 0.13 | 6 min |
| #5 | M2☻ | 182 | 0.16 | 5 min |





