








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 534 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 596 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 27 matches | ||
| Wingman | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Renown | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 73 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3305 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,726 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2284 | 11% |
| Smokes | 6745 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 6638 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 5059 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,183,797 of utility $204 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 685 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | roberto san | 43% | 243 |
| #12 | MikaBiceps | 42% | 173 |
| #13 | lasso | 42% | 265 |
| #14 | arsee | 41% | 64 |
| #15 | kokematon ponkka | 39% | 183 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tohtori | 12 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | ✪ AQ | 11 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | roberto san | 11 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | lasso | 9 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | M1SSE | 8 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | roberto san | 1176 | 0.23 | 30 min |
| #2 | ✪ AQ | 1002 | 0.15 | 28 min |
| #3 | lasso | 919 | 0.17 | 27 min |
| #4 | M1SSE | 510 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #5 | worst kinder suprise | 474 | 0.26 | 14 min |





