








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 579 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 247 matches | ||
| Wingman | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3405 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,457 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1957 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2305 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2600 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2595 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,634,492 of utility $223 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 360 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Arentsen | 52% | 182 |
| #9 | GingerGoneMad | 42% | 60 |
| #10 | SneakyPete | 41% | 68 |
| #11 | FizzN | 40% | 47 |
| #12 | THOMZZHS | 39% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FizzN | 397 | 0.40 | 10 min |
| #2 | Arentsen | 257 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #3 | SneakyPete | 166 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | UrsusBroder ♔ Stojnic ♥ ツ | 152 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | THOMZZHS | 121 | 0.10 | 3 min |





