










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 444 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 186 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 77 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1569 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,230 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1276 | 30% |
| Smokes | 831 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 776 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 1347 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $738,390 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 530 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala | 39 | 0.0094 |
| #2 | ひ harold | 8 | 0.0089 |
| #3 | TAIWANESE PETE | 7 | 0.0113 |
| #4 | Cavvers | 6 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | Jafulay -SaiyajiN- | 5 | 0.0140 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala | 151 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #2 | Cavvers | 129 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Jafulay -SaiyajiN- | 112 | 0.31 | 2 min |
| #4 | TAIWANESE PETE | 90 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | ひ harold | 66 | 0.07 | 2 min |





