








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 96 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
782 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,823 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 929 | 33% |
| Smokes | 811 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 542 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 541 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $532,150 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | achieved a state of euphoria | 60% | 91 |
| #2 | WHITEGUYGAMING | 53% | 32 |
| #3 | Otaku オサマビンラデン | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | olok ⭕⃤ | 51% | 77 |
| #5 | diamond lungs | 48% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | diamond lungs | 8 | 0.0087 |
| #2 | olok ⭕⃤ | 7 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Otaku オサマビンラデン | 7 | 0.0094 |
| #4 | coldestboogz | 6 | 0.0249 |
| #5 | achieved a state of euphoria | 5 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | achieved a state of euphoria | 260 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | olok ⭕⃤ | 214 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | diamond lungs | 108 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | WHITEGUYGAMING | 92 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | Otaku オサマビンラデン | 40 | 0.05 | 1 min |





