








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 158 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1877 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,018 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2086 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2067 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1603 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1262 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $488,260 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Krunk | 48% | 128 |
| #7 | Baltasar "El_Niño" Aguirre | 43% | 149 |
| #8 | LeBomb | 42% | 19 |
| #9 | Pidar | 42% | 60 |
| #10 | King Chungus | 39% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baltasar "El_Niño" Aguirre | 36 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | Krunk | 24 | 0.0091 |
| #3 | KONNYs | 16 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Zozel | 9 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | King Chungus | 8 | 0.0069 |





