








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 96 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1090 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,199 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 833 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1224 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1597 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 545 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $262,758 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Baltasar "El_Niño" Aguirre | 48% | 101 |
| #6 | Krunk | 47% | 76 |
| #7 | Ming Xi 奚梦瑶 | 44% | 9 |
| #8 | Pidar | 44% | 54 |
| #9 | King Chungus | 32% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Baltasar "El_Niño" Aguirre | 26 | 0.0132 |
| #2 | Krunk | 13 | 0.0087 |
| #3 | KennethS | 9 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | KONNYs | 8 | 0.0059 |
| #5 | fnisp | 6 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KennethS | 279 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #2 | Baltasar "El_Niño" Aguirre | 188 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Krunk | 175 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | Pidar | 157 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | KONNYs | 113 | 0.08 | 3 min |





