








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 459 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 239 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3094 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,923 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1781 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1068 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 2371 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1703 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,557,357 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 248 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Swansea | 48% | 120 |
| #6 | Berbatov | 48% | 111 |
| #7 | Pisa Schitt | 44% | 80 |
| #8 | itsbennyb | 43% | 40 |
| #9 | CheckYourCloset | 40% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blorgus | 287 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #2 | Silly Monkey | 274 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #3 | Berbatov | 221 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | Swansea | 195 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #5 | Pisa Schitt | 146 | 0.09 | 4 min |





