








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 601 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 352 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 55 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4495 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,772 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2596 | 18% |
| Smokes | 4833 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 4061 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3282 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,934,501 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 78 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blorgus | 57% | 56 |
| #2 | Pisa Schitt | 56% | 43 |
| #3 | Silly Monkey | 49% | 99 |
| #4 | stevekrumps | 48% | 120 |
| #5 | Supertroll6969 | 47% | 152 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Berbatov | 13 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Adam Sandler Number 1 Fan | 13 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Supertroll6969 | 10 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Pisa Schitt | 6 | 0.0063 |
| #5 | Silly Monkey | 5 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Berbatov | 604 | 0.09 | 14 min |
| #2 | blorgus | 156 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #3 | Bill | 144 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | Silly Monkey | 136 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | stevekrumps | 113 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blorgus | +1.72 | 70 | 55 |
| #2 | Silly Monkey | +1.24 | 66 | 44 |
| #3 | Swansea | +0.94 | 70 | 54 |
| #4 | Berbatov | +0.03 | 59 | 60 |
| #5 | Adam Sandler Number 1 Fan | -0.19 | 36 | 18 |





