








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 122 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 142 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1961 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,735 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1702 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2106 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1482 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1445 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $893,947 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 174 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ButteredPopcorn | 45% | 62 |
| #2 | NeighborhoodTurtle | 43% | 107 |
| #3 | Glade (Trading Skins) | 25% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ButteredPopcorn | 45% | 62 |
| #2 | NeighborhoodTurtle | 43% | 107 |
| #3 | Glade (Trading Skins) | 25% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NeighborhoodTurtle | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Glade (Trading Skins) | 5 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | ButteredPopcorn | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NeighborhoodTurtle | 261 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #2 | ButteredPopcorn | 149 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | Glade (Trading Skins) | 16 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Agile Walrus | +1.94 | 65 | 65 |
| #2 | ButteredPopcorn | +0.21 | 72 | 59 |
| #3 | NeighborhoodTurtle | -2.24 | 41 | 66 |
| #4 | Glade (Trading Skins) | -4.47 | 44 | 47 |





