








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 20 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 146 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2644 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,723 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1315 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2006 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1634 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1768 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $777,656 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ABU | 52% | 121 |
| #2 | novadogg | 50% | 90 |
| #3 | Chansey | 44% | 50 |
| #4 | DirtyDan0991 | 42% | 81 |
| #5 | GARY | 33% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ABU | 52% | 121 |
| #2 | novadogg | 50% | 90 |
| #3 | Chansey | 44% | 50 |
| #4 | DirtyDan0991 | 42% | 81 |
| #5 | GARY | 33% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | novadogg | 12 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | ABU | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Chansey | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | GARY | 2 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | DirtyDan0991 | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | novadogg | 225 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #2 | ABU | 224 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | Chansey | 150 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | DirtyDan0991 | 96 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | GARY | 73 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chansey | +3.21 | 85 | 60 |
| #2 | Soviet_Bandit | +1.35 | 59 | 51 |
| #3 | GARY | +1.31 | 71 | 61 |
| #4 | ABU | -0.68 | 48 | 46 |
| #5 | novadogg | -2.63 | 37 | 42 |





