








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 532 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 242 matches | ||
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3254 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,562 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 981 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1826 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2177 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1578 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,821,536 of utility $260 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 442 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | newb | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | UwU_Pu$$y$layer_UwU | 64% | 22 |
| #3 | jman | 54% | 123 |
| #4 | Bnanas | 52% | 23 |
| #5 | yalif | 48% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | newb | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | UwU_Pu$$y$layer_UwU | 64% | 22 |
| #3 | jman | 54% | 123 |
| #4 | Bnanas | 52% | 23 |
| #5 | yalif | 48% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jman | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #2 | Bnanas | 2 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jman | 356 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #2 | yalif | 143 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #3 | Bnanas | 128 | 0.26 | 4 min |
| #4 | UwU_Pu$$y$layer_UwU | 123 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #5 | newb | 54 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | UwU_Pu$$y$layer_UwU | +2.00 | 75 | 66 |
| #2 | Bnanas | +1.61 | 81 | 70 |
| #3 | aldinho | +0.46 | 73 | 52 |
| #4 | jman | +0.11 | 53 | 72 |
| #5 | newb | -0.03 | 61 | 58 |





