








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 260 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 234 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3159 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,578 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4102 | 30% |
| Smokes | 3489 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3318 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2669 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $781,901 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yosshi* | 59% | 34 |
| #2 | blimp grimpin | 58% | 43 |
| #3 | WhaLeS | 57% | 51 |
| #4 | Stampede | 54% | 93 |
| #5 | Imagine My Wagons | 53% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Imagine My Wagons | 53% | 30 |
| #6 | wtannerb | 53% | 126 |
| #7 | jukosya | 52% | 23 |
| #8 | Gwa Gwa | 51% | 61 |
| #9 | Choice1952 | 42% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wtannerb | 7 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Stampede | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Choice1952 | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Gwa Gwa | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | blimp grimpin | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wtannerb | 262 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #2 | Stampede | 186 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | Gwa Gwa | 167 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | Choice1952 | 159 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | WhaLeS | 149 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | blimp grimpin | +3.50 | 79 | 65 |
| #2 | wtannerb | +3.34 | 80 | 60 |
| #3 | WhaLeS | +2.83 | 72 | 65 |
| #4 | yosshi* | +1.10 | 48 | 63 |
| #5 | jukosya | +0.44 | 73 | 52 |





