








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 59 matches | ||
| Faceit | 38 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1506 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,964 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1296 | 33% |
| Smokes | 915 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1125 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 628 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $295,408 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Emoman112 | 60% | 25 |
| #2 | wtannerb | 59% | 44 |
| #3 | TOP DOGE | 58% | 43 |
| #4 | [B]hu Tang | 53% | 34 |
| #5 | CrystalNugget | 53% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | omega. | 52% | 31 |
| #7 | puppeht | 50% | 16 |
| #8 | Stampede | 49% | 35 |
| #9 | Gwa Gwa | 47% | 19 |
| #10 | Choice1952 | 44% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [B]hu Tang | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | wtannerb | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | CrystalNugget | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | TOP DOGE | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | puppeht | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | omega. | 131 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #2 | CrystalNugget | 127 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | Emoman112 | 116 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #4 | [B]hu Tang | 106 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | TOP DOGE | 89 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Emoman112 | +3.38 | 90 | 55 |
| #2 | blimp grimpin | +2.09 | 77 | 63 |
| #3 | wtannerb | +1.27 | 85 | 57 |
| #4 | CrystalNugget | +0.94 | 76 | 60 |
| #5 | [B]hu Tang | +0.79 | 77 | 48 |





