








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 59 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 41 matches | ||
| Faceit | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3833 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,153 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3405 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4220 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2876 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2652 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $789,291 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Towelie | 53% | 230 |
| #5 | Lord Shitter | 50% | 235 |
| #6 | Corb | 47% | 173 |
| #7 | Kansil | 42% | 19 |
| #8 | Toji | 40% | 65 |





