








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 85 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
526 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,912 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 344 | 18% |
| Smokes | 494 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 825 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 249 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $77,724 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Argus | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | Sassy Molassy | 63% | 16 |
| #3 | Dr. Decoy | 62% | 13 |
| #4 | Gambit | 60% | 25 |
| #5 | Flash | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | MillDozer | 33% | 3 |
| #9 | YoungWolf | 33% | 3 |
| #10 | couch | 33% | 3 |
| #11 | Miles | 29% | 7 |
| #12 | R.Spec | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Decoy | 1 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | R.Spec | 1 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Miles | 1 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | SotoSizzle | 1 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | Khemically | 1 | 0.0526 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gambit | 67 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | Sassy Molassy | 24 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | Dr. Decoy | 24 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | Flash | 22 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| #5 | R.Spec | 15 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mouth Breather | +2.89 | 62 | 60 |
| #2 | couch | +2.52 | 46 | 43 |
| #3 | Argus | +1.49 | 44 | 61 |
| #4 | Sassy Molassy | +1.28 | 57 | 67 |
| #5 | YoungWolf | +1.12 | 21 | 43 |





