








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 389 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 306 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4888 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,600 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4875 | 29% |
| Smokes | 4602 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3034 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 4089 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,068,571 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 243 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pie | 63% | 123 |
| #2 | ii@ | 63% | 24 |
| #3 | holding it | 60% | 78 |
| #4 | Forman ツ | 60% | 127 |
| #5 | yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah | 54% | 48 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ii@ | 63% | 24 |
| #3 | holding it | 60% | 78 |
| #4 | Forman ツ | 60% | 127 |
| #5 | yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah | 54% | 48 |
| #6 | Lil Uzi Girth | 53% | 165 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Forman ツ | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Lil Uzi Girth | 3 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Pie | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | holding it | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lil Uzi Girth | 688 | 0.20 | 17 min |
| #2 | Forman ツ | 639 | 0.23 | 16 min |
| #3 | Pie | 448 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #4 | holding it | 246 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #5 | yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah | 212 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bambi | +1.80 | 76 | 66 |
| #2 | yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah | +1.58 | 76 | 62 |
| #3 | Forman ツ | +0.92 | 84 | 63 |
| #4 | ii@ | +0.80 | 70 | 68 |
| #5 | Pie | +0.72 | 76 | 63 |





