








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 958 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 435 matches | ||
| Faceit | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5154 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,417 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6024 | 30% |
| Smokes | 5047 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3393 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 5953 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,543,760 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 674 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pie | 65% | 148 |
| #2 | xeno | 64% | 33 |
| #3 | Forman ツ | 62% | 108 |
| #4 | Bambi | 60% | 78 |
| #5 | yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah | 56% | 137 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Bambi | 60% | 78 |
| #5 | yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah | 56% | 137 |
| #6 | Lil Uzi Girth | 53% | 34 |
| #7 | :D | 52% | 65 |
| #8 | ??? | 51% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pie | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | ??? | 5 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Forman ツ | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | xeno | 3 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah | 506 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #2 | Pie | 502 | 0.16 | 13 min |
| #3 | Forman ツ | 461 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #4 | Bambi | 311 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #5 | :D | 172 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xeno | +1.96 | 88 | 63 |
| #2 | yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah | +1.77 | 73 | 66 |
| #3 | Pie | +1.70 | 77 | 65 |
| #4 | ??? | +1.41 | 87 | 70 |
| #5 | Forman ツ | +1.20 | 83 | 63 |





