








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 39 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
312 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 974 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 139 | 14% |
| Smokes | 263 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 215 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 357 | 37% |
Our logs show you have wasted $265,827 of utility $237 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ping | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | Hooded Horror | 75% | 8 |
| #3 | joeyyy | 68% | 22 |
| #4 | Grog | 67% | 33 |
| #5 | Feathers McGraw | 63% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Feathers McGraw | 63% | 46 |
| #6 | Enel | 63% | 32 |
| #7 | TetleyBroad | 56% | 9 |
| #8 | sto1ck | 53% | 36 |
| #9 | The Armchair General | 43% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sto1ck | 6 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | Feathers McGraw | 5 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | Hooded Horror | 3 | 0.0173 |
| #4 | Grog | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Enel | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Feathers McGraw | 201 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #2 | sto1ck | 199 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #3 | Enel | 61 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Grog | 60 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | joeyyy | 42 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ping | +13.88 | 96 | 81 |
| #2 | joeyyy | +6.06 | 90 | 63 |
| #3 | sto1ck | +3.97 | 73 | 69 |
| #4 | TetleyBroad | +3.58 | 78 | 37 |
| #5 | Feathers McGraw | +1.43 | 54 | 55 |





