








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 225 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 288 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3510 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,877 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2460 | 42% |
| Smokes | 1061 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1514 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 842 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,402,882 of utility $193 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 568 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ol'Case* | 57% | 21 |
| #2 | Helen Keller | 55% | 31 |
| #3 | ✪ Aur0s | 52% | 29 |
| #4 | DoF| The GRANDPA™ | 50% | 20 |
| #5 | DoF| somethingvanilla | 43% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Helen Keller | 55% | 31 |
| #3 | ✪ Aur0s | 52% | 29 |
| #4 | DoF| The GRANDPA™ | 50% | 20 |
| #5 | DoF| somethingvanilla | 43% | 23 |
| #6 | Scorpion[Ѻ] | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Aur0s | 63 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | Ol'Case* | 36 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Scorpion[Ѻ] | 30 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | DoF| The GRANDPA™ | 28 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Helen Keller | 14 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ol'Case* | +2.56 | 41 | 70 |
| #2 | Scorpion[Ѻ] | +2.49 | 50 | 71 |
| #3 | DoF| The GRANDPA™ | +1.50 | 48 | 40 |
| #4 | Big Hoova | +0.41 | 44 | 42 |
| #5 | Helen Keller | -0.13 | 51 | 41 |





