








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 361 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,755 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2763 | 19% |
| Smokes | 6541 | 44% |
| HE Grenades | 4078 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1373 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,787,551 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 101 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WelderMop | 70% | 33 |
| #2 | smartsyy | 63% | 35 |
| #3 | moon | 59% | 32 |
| #4 | CocoQuinn | 58% | 52 |
| #5 | DINGLEDANG | 56% | 55 |





