








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 55 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 70 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1981 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,522 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1277 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1222 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 771 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1252 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $449,583 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Malevolent Kitchen | 73% | 100 |
| #2 | StormX | 72% | 25 |
| #3 | luke | 71% | 14 |
| #4 | meowmeowmeowmrow | 71% | 17 |
| #5 | Klaw | 69% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Dafish | 64% | 28 |
| #9 | Tiffany | 63% | 46 |
| #10 | grag | 62% | 52 |
| #11 | oomi | 50% | 10 |
| #12 | z1 | 50% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HoHo | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Malevolent Kitchen | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | grag | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Klaw | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Tiffany | 2 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HoHo | 371 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #2 | grag | 214 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #3 | Malevolent Kitchen | 158 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | z1 | 138 | 0.31 | 3 min |
| #5 | Tiffany | 94 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Malevolent Kitchen | +4.02 | 88 | 63 |
| #2 | oomi | +3.76 | 82 | 59 |
| #3 | RGAR | +3.03 | 79 | 55 |
| #4 | luke | +2.08 | 79 | 59 |
| #5 | StormX | +0.89 | 77 | 64 |





