








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 495 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 500 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4529 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,335 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3995 | 32% |
| Smokes | 858 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 3943 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 3539 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,142,488 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 590 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Jones^ | 48% | 231 |
| #6 | aijeM | 48% | 305 |
| #7 | SurfKingBigZ | 48% | 88 |
| #8 | Kinjy™ ○ | 47% | 466 |
| #9 | Drockit | 44% | 260 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kinjy™ ○ | 24 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Jones^ | 9 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | aijeM | 8 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Drockit | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | SurfKingBigZ | 5 | 0.0027 |





