








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 237 matches | ||
| Premier | 154 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5102 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,350 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4060 | 26% |
| Smokes | 2676 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 4753 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 3861 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $989,749 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lazjE™ | 59% | 27 |
| #2 | Shady | 53% | 365 |
| #3 | Pit | 53% | 367 |
| #4 | chr1s | 50% | 166 |
| #5 | GR1 | 49% | 158 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lazjE™ | 59% | 27 |
| #2 | Shady | 53% | 365 |
| #3 | Pit | 53% | 367 |
| #4 | chr1s | 50% | 166 |
| #5 | GR1 | 49% | 158 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shady | 29 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | Pit | 8 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | chr1s | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | GR1 | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | lazjE™ | 2 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shady | 2330 | 0.31 | 57 min |
| #2 | Pit | 1101 | 0.14 | 24 min |
| #3 | chr1s | 846 | 0.26 | 21 min |
| #4 | GR1 | 282 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #5 | lazjE™ | 122 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xRourii | +1.07 | 82 | 63 |
| #2 | Shady | +0.30 | 76 | 75 |
| #3 | Pit | -0.69 | 75 | 56 |
| #4 | chr1s | -1.09 | 63 | 70 |
| #5 | GR1 | -1.72 | 72 | 58 |





