








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Wingman | 35 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
849 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,458 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 556 | 23% |
| Smokes | 523 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 737 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 642 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $319,427 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | G2_Jamokl | 74% | 19 |
| #2 | Der Elastische Hosenbund | 63% | 19 |
| #3 | cmz | 51% | 55 |
| #4 | LAS | 49% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | G2_Jamokl | 74% | 19 |
| #2 | Der Elastische Hosenbund | 63% | 19 |
| #3 | cmz | 51% | 55 |
| #4 | LAS | 49% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LAS | 8 | 0.0111 |
| #2 | cmz | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Der Elastische Hosenbund | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | G2_Jamokl | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LAS | 158 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #2 | cmz | 85 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | G2_Jamokl | 19 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | Der Elastische Hosenbund | 9 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LAS | +5.31 | 78 | 55 |
| #2 | G2_Jamokl | +2.20 | 31 | 56 |
| #3 | cmz | +1.24 | 74 | 59 |
| #4 | fenfey | -1.04 | 59 | 54 |
| #5 | Der Elastische Hosenbund | -1.75 | 49 | 39 |





