








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 351 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 411 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4057 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,929 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1919 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2209 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 777 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 2024 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,200,414 of utility $199 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1040 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MyNanRipsMadCones | 61% | 95 |
| #2 | Jason | 59% | 83 |
| #3 | full time sex haver | 58% | 66 |
| #4 | Winnie P puffer | 54% | 85 |
| #5 | 💯 | 51% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | auntylau | 12 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | rqf | 11 | 0.0060 |
| #3 | Jason | 9 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Crack Pipe | 8 | 0.0080 |
| #5 | full time sex haver | 7 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | auntylau | 298 | 0.08 | 9 min |
| #2 | Jason | 265 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #3 | Winnie P puffer | 217 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | full time sex haver | 193 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #5 | MyNanRipsMadCones | 168 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 💯 | +4.40 | 75 | 63 |
| #2 | full time sex haver | +3.42 | 76 | 66 |
| #3 | Jason | +2.55 | 68 | 52 |
| #4 | Crack Pipe | +2.12 | 74 | 44 |
| #5 | rqf | +2.08 | 77 | 48 |





