








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 63 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
970 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,139 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1402 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1312 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1193 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1232 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $237,350 of utility $116 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J.O.O.P / The Angel | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | henazz | 67% | 12 |
| #3 | Jortsu | 63% | 8 |
| #4 | jake | 56% | 16 |
| #5 | Cadaveri | 50% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #15 | M1xu | 36% | 11 |
| #16 | herminaattori | 33% | 6 |
| #17 | MAFFALE | 20% | 5 |
| #18 | m0h | 20% | 5 |
| #19 | T0be | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | henazz | 1 | 0.0035 |





