








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
336 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,186 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 318 | 27% |
| Smokes | 408 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 247 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 213 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $119,109 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lörde | 58% | 12 |
| #2 | M4rkula | 50% | 14 |
| #3 | Nubbo | 47% | 30 |
| #4 | PiiJay | 39% | 23 |
| #5 | Osti | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lörde | 58% | 12 |
| #2 | M4rkula | 50% | 14 |
| #3 | Nubbo | 47% | 30 |
| #4 | PiiJay | 39% | 23 |
| #5 | Osti | 22% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | M4rkula | 2 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | lörde | 2 | 0.0077 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nubbo | 105 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #2 | PiiJay | 25 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #3 | lörde | 25 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | M4rkula | 24 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Osti | 20 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nubbo | +1.49 | 65 | 65 |
| #2 | lörde | +0.25 | 50 | 52 |
| #3 | PiiJay | -0.16 | 76 | 43 |
| #4 | ShububS HubbaS | -0.43 | 46 | 57 |
| #5 | Osti | -0.91 | 46 | 67 |





