








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 18 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
456 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 778 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 176 | 23% |
| Smokes | 249 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 151 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 202 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $188,430 of utility $206 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 19 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SQUIB | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | Mav | 75% | 8 |
| #3 | pope (fuck csgoroll) | 67% | 3 |
| #4 | zach | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | crumble | 55% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zach | 2 | 0.0159 |
| #2 | crumble | 1 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Mav | 1 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | SQUIB | 1 | 0.0137 |
| #5 | pope (fuck csgoroll) | 1 | 0.0161 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | crumble | 27 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #2 | zach | 21 | 0.17 | 0 min |
| #3 | b0'da | 10 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #4 | SK1TZ0 | 9 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #5 | Mav | 8 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mav | +6.38 | 85 | 65 |
| #2 | crumble | +3.61 | 71 | 47 |
| #3 | SK1TZ0 | +2.03 | 76 | 52 |
| #4 | jackzR- | +1.73 | 77 | 46 |
| #5 | SQUIB | -1.18 | 75 | 80 |





