








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 360 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 299 matches | ||
| Premier | 128 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6161 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,658 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5022 | 34% |
| Smokes | 3933 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2995 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2708 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,837,345 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 246 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheGreatestJakeToHave_EverJaked | 72% | 29 |
| #2 | sage | 68% | 60 |
| #3 | DJANGO | 61% | 36 |
| #4 | Xanakin | 61% | 146 |
| #5 | emile | 59% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | n3b[s] | 59% | 111 |
| #7 | CaptCuba | 57% | 28 |
| #8 | bluef0x | 52% | 63 |
| #9 | AngelGBG | 50% | 26 |
| #10 | HEMANNN | 50% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xanakin | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #2 | n3b[s] | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #3 | bluef0x | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | DJANGO | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | TheGreatestJakeToHave_EverJaked | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xanakin | 393 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #2 | n3b[s] | 303 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #3 | sage | 261 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #4 | emile | 195 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #5 | DJANGO | 127 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheGreatestJakeToHave_EverJaked | +1.49 | 84 | 73 |
| #2 | iigLu | +1.18 | 76 | 62 |
| #3 | sage | +0.80 | 73 | 75 |
| #4 | n3b[s] | +0.63 | 77 | 59 |
| #5 | Xanakin | +0.59 | 64 | 58 |





