








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 298 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
604 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,888 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 759 | 40% |
| Smokes | 315 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 240 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 574 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $283,877 of utility $211 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 255 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slask✪ | 48% | 23 |
| #2 | LumpyFag | 48% | 46 |
| #3 | Puckulüs | 47% | 15 |
| #4 | Scoliosisboy | 44% | 41 |
| #5 | Fuhgji | 43% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scoliosisboy | 7 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | Slask✪ | 7 | 0.0152 |
| #3 | LumpyFag | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Fuhgji | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Puckulüs | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scoliosisboy | 100 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #2 | Fuhgji | 71 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | Slask✪ | 61 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | Voltiq | 49 | 0.43 | 1 min |
| #5 | LumpyFag | 41 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scoliosisboy | +3.08 | 80 | 58 |
| #2 | N0ckeby | +1.87 | 87 | 57 |
| #3 | Voltiq | +1.01 | 71 | 67 |
| #4 | Slask✪ | -0.76 | 65 | 49 |
| #5 | LumpyFag | -0.94 | 69 | 38 |





