








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1084 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 239 matches | ||
| Wingman | 141 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 48 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4437 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,291 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2202 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2863 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2385 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3841 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,254,580 of utility $210 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 884 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scoliosisboy | 54% | 160 |
| #2 | Slask✪ | 51% | 83 |
| #3 | Fuhgji | 49% | 100 |
| #4 | N0ckeby | 48% | 46 |
| #5 | General Smooth Tits | 47% | 213 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | N0ckeby | 48% | 46 |
| #5 | General Smooth Tits | 47% | 213 |
| #6 | Darth Mamut | 44% | 41 |
| #7 | Mervis | 44% | 82 |
| #8 | Puckulüs | 43% | 168 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Puckulüs | 21 | 0.0062 |
| #2 | Slask✪ | 17 | 0.0103 |
| #3 | General Smooth Tits | 14 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Scoliosisboy | 9 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Fuhgji | 7 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | General Smooth Tits | 441 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #2 | Scoliosisboy | 362 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #3 | Fuhgji | 281 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #4 | Puckulüs | 249 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #5 | N0ckeby | 237 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Scoliosisboy | +2.82 | 84 | 59 |
| #2 | N0ckeby | +1.58 | 87 | 56 |
| #3 | LumpyFag | +1.33 | 74 | 47 |
| #4 | Slask✪ | +0.09 | 66 | 53 |
| #5 | General Smooth Tits | -0.01 | 81 | 50 |





