








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 147 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1145 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,945 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 981 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1515 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1028 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1421 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $597,655 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dennis Fong | 90% | 10 |
| #2 | veyd | 88% | 8 |
| #3 | jacques de gatineau | 67% | 75 |
| #4 | alruro | 63% | 40 |
| #5 | M.A.D. | 62% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jacques de gatineau | 8 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | Vellum | 8 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | Literal_Arm | 6 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | Maynaise | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | Emopi | 3 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Literal_Arm | 341 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #2 | Maynaise | 214 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | alruro | 160 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | Vellum | 157 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | jacques de gatineau | 129 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vellum | +2.04 | 67 | 69 |
| #2 | veyd | +1.90 | 87 | 22 |
| #3 | Maynaise | +1.74 | 74 | 69 |
| #4 | ❀八月重逢樱花落❀ | +1.45 | 77 | 46 |
| #5 | Mako | +1.17 | 78 | 50 |





