








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 86 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 52 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1227 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,789 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 318 | 18% |
| Smokes | 460 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 315 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 696 | 39% |
Our logs show you have wasted $849,178 of utility $267 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 192 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Vellum | 46% | 48 |
| #14 | Mako | 44% | 9 |
| #15 | Maynaise | 42% | 24 |
| #16 | alruro | 41% | 27 |
| #17 | ❀八月重逢樱花落❀ | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Literal_Arm | 8 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | jacques de gatineau | 5 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | 11Cent | 5 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Slip | 3 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Maynaise | 3 | 0.0060 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 11Cent | 259 | 0.25 | 8 min |
| #2 | Literal_Arm | 169 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #3 | Slip | 126 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | alruro | 117 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #5 | HotPants | 112 | 0.31 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slip | +6.63 | 75 | 69 |
| #2 | 11Cent | +3.53 | 44 | 83 |
| #3 | Vellum | +3.28 | 68 | 66 |
| #4 | Maynaise | +2.68 | 77 | 71 |
| #5 | Mako | +2.00 | 81 | 51 |





