








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 337 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1235 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,246 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 447 | 20% |
| Smokes | 617 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 667 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 515 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $666,498 of utility $275 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 383 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #15 | ✰Dΐvΐภe✰ | 55% | 29 |
| #16 | Hemlock | 52% | 25 |
| #17 | ✪ ΣMptY 乡. | 50% | 18 |
| #18 | ^AxN^ | 44% | 9 |
| #19 | banana cat | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lime | 3 | 0.0132 |
| #2 | P33ING^♕ | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | ✪ ΣMptY 乡. | 2 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | f0rest4kill | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | ✰Dΐvΐภe✰ | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | P33ING^♕ | 165 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | ☠♈αя♏αη⋃☠ヅ | 160 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #3 | f0rest4kill | 91 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | ✰Dΐvΐภe✰ | 82 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | ☯Sℹ︎ℓ︎⋎︎عя☯ | 76 | 0.14 | 2 min |





