








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 44 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 336 matches | ||
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4262 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,428 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2527 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2209 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1995 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1697 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,389,968 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 677 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joe the Villager | 70% | 46 |
| #2 | lauzekzky | 56% | 276 |
| #3 | LSD | 53% | 38 |
| #4 | dibit | 52% | 79 |
| #5 | 『XiTeD』 | 51% | 185 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joe the Villager | 70% | 46 |
| #2 | lauzekzky | 56% | 276 |
| #3 | LSD | 53% | 38 |
| #4 | dibit | 52% | 79 |
| #5 | 『XiTeD』 | 51% | 185 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lauzekzky | 14 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | LSD | 6 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Joe the Villager | 5 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | 『XiTeD』 | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | dibit | 4 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lauzekzky | 1091 | 0.18 | 29 min |
| #2 | 『XiTeD』 | 168 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #3 | LSD | 88 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Joe the Villager | 86 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | dibit | 61 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | heshy | +1.85 | 80 | 51 |
| #2 | Joe the Villager | +1.45 | 89 | 48 |
| #3 | lauzekzky | +0.86 | 83 | 68 |
| #4 | LSD | -0.24 | 59 | 64 |
| #5 | 『XiTeD』 | -1.28 | 65 | 49 |





