








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 62 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 185 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2172 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,579 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 890 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1883 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1444 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1362 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $845,615 of utility $145 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 47 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Why so NaCl-y? | 61% | 33 |
| #2 | DualKim | 60% | 47 |
| #3 | Meow | 59% | 34 |
| #4 | DatFunkyAznBoy | 58% | 19 |
| #5 | LSD | 56% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | DatFunkyAznBoy | 58% | 19 |
| #5 | LSD | 56% | 36 |
| #6 | dibit | 53% | 58 |
| #7 | lauzekzky | 52% | 127 |
| #8 | heshy | 51% | 185 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | heshy | 11 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | lauzekzky | 6 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | LSD | 6 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | dibit | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | DualKim | 2 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lauzekzky | 487 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | heshy | 340 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #3 | DualKim | 83 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | LSD | 82 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Why so NaCl-y? | 44 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meow | +3.48 | 77 | 49 |
| #2 | heshy | +2.14 | 80 | 49 |
| #3 | DualKim | +1.68 | 71 | 52 |
| #4 | Why so NaCl-y? | +1.35 | 65 | 49 |
| #5 | lauzekzky | +0.86 | 80 | 70 |





