








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 214 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 131 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2016 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,900 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1317 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1235 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 998 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 350 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $588,677 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 148 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | cock of this exact minute (NOW) | 46% | 151 |
| #6 | CCiituri ☆ | 42% | 12 |
| #7 | v1ltsu86 | 41% | 29 |
| #8 | kape | 40% | 10 |
| #9 | Kirsikkapommi 500 | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cock of this exact minute (NOW) | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | le mon | 5 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | cock of the year (back2back) | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Kirsikkapommi 500 | 3 | 0.0130 |
| #5 | v1ltsu86 | 1 | 0.0016 |





