








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 253 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 126 matches | ||
| Wingman | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 24 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2675 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,825 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1904 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1536 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 669 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 1716 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $697,559 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 274 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 毛泽东 | 56% | 16 |
| #2 | NotSteve | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | My Weenor Big | 53% | 17 |
| #4 | i have a big brian | 51% | 195 |
| #5 | ALFARU | 44% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 毛泽东 | 56% | 16 |
| #2 | NotSteve | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | My Weenor Big | 53% | 17 |
| #4 | i have a big brian | 51% | 195 |
| #5 | ALFARU | 44% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | i have a big brian | 9 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | ALFARU | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #3 | My Weenor Big | 1 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | NotSteve | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | i have a big brian | 969 | 0.26 | 18 min |
| #2 | ALFARU | 144 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | NotSteve | 13 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | 毛泽东 | 10 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ALFARU | +1.65 | 62 | 39 |
| #2 | star | +1.52 | 85 | 53 |
| #3 | i have a big brian | -0.69 | 42 | 52 |
| #4 | My Weenor Big | -1.84 | 82 | 29 |
| #5 | 毛泽东 | -1.89 | 52 | 40 |





