








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 312 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 154 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3110 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,244 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2892 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2787 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2404 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2161 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $699,487 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bep | 54% | 103 |
| #2 | 90s Sharon Stone | 50% | 149 |
| #3 | icedoutswaggedout | 48% | 202 |
| #4 | Papa Capinya'ass | 46% | 52 |
| #5 | Slambo Krony | 43% | 173 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bep | 54% | 103 |
| #2 | 90s Sharon Stone | 50% | 149 |
| #3 | icedoutswaggedout | 48% | 202 |
| #4 | Papa Capinya'ass | 46% | 52 |
| #5 | Slambo Krony | 43% | 173 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 90s Sharon Stone | 10 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Slambo Krony | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | icedoutswaggedout | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | bep | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Papa Capinya'ass | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slambo Krony | 600 | 0.17 | 19 min |
| #2 | bep | 325 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #3 | icedoutswaggedout | 206 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | 90s Sharon Stone | 200 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #5 | Papa Capinya'ass | 92 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 90s Sharon Stone | +1.85 | 75 | 57 |
| #2 | Safety | +1.72 | 82 | 71 |
| #3 | bep | +1.71 | 75 | 52 |
| #4 | Papa Capinya'ass | -0.98 | 52 | 55 |
| #5 | Slambo Krony | -2.62 | 44 | 44 |





