








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 228 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1595 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,324 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1100 | 25% |
| Smokes | 895 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1289 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1040 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $825,468 of utility $222 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bep | 54% | 93 |
| #2 | Safety | 50% | 149 |
| #3 | icedoutswaggedout | 49% | 152 |
| #4 | Slambo Krony | 49% | 123 |
| #5 | Papa Capinya'ass | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bep | 54% | 93 |
| #2 | Safety | 50% | 149 |
| #3 | icedoutswaggedout | 49% | 152 |
| #4 | Slambo Krony | 49% | 123 |
| #5 | Papa Capinya'ass | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slambo Krony | 8 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Safety | 5 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | icedoutswaggedout | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | bep | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #5 | Papa Capinya'ass | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Safety | 547 | 0.18 | 19 min |
| #2 | Slambo Krony | 526 | 0.21 | 18 min |
| #3 | bep | 295 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #4 | icedoutswaggedout | 147 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | Papa Capinya'ass | 34 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Safety | +2.04 | 83 | 72 |
| #2 | bep | +1.78 | 76 | 53 |
| #3 | 90s Sharon Stone | +1.71 | 75 | 58 |
| #4 | Papa Capinya'ass | -1.75 | 67 | 58 |
| #5 | Slambo Krony | -2.49 | 46 | 46 |





