








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 947 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 289 matches | ||
| Premier | 159 matches | ||
| Esplay | 7 matches | 2,204 | |
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8291 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,840 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5962 | 23% |
| Smokes | 7280 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 6361 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 6237 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $568,434 of utility $51 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 163 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hay_Hay | 75% | 108 |
| #2 | banandan | 71% | 45 |
| #3 | Sideswip3r | 70% | 56 |
| #4 | tipsie | 66% | 74 |
| #5 | SALTTOO | 65% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Zippox | 61% | 101 |
| #12 | Plainy | 58% | 31 |
| #13 | stoffz | 58% | 26 |
| #14 | Jaffe | 58% | 285 |
| #15 | knx[9] | 45% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eLoN mOiSt | 20 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Jaffe | 10 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Klypa | 9 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | SALTTOO | 6 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | zb0t | 5 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eLoN mOiSt | 1129 | 0.11 | 37 min |
| #2 | Jaffe | 661 | 0.11 | 18 min |
| #3 | zb0t | 507 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #4 | Klypa | 315 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #5 | Sideswip3r | 253 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tomaly | +6.59 | 80 | 71 |
| #2 | stoffz | +2.65 | 87 | 73 |
| #3 | SALTTOO | +0.63 | 76 | 70 |
| #4 | banandan | +0.19 | 63 | 76 |
| #5 | JK | -0.42 | 55 | 46 |





