








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 47 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 74 matches | ||
| Wingman | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1170 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,312 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1147 | 35% |
| Smokes | 791 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 710 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 664 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $262,753 of utility $64 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Painkiller | 63% | 24 |
| #2 | Lobotomy Victim | 52% | 25 |
| #3 | mykxy | 48% | 23 |
| #4 | R9 | 47% | 101 |
| #5 | Brian | 42% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R9 | 11 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Lobotomy Victim | 5 | 0.0099 |
| #3 | Brian | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | ✠ N1ghtmare ✠ | 3 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | keyring | 3 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | R9 | 102 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #2 | mykxy | 88 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #3 | ✠ N1ghtmare ✠ | 68 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | boosh | 61 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Lobotomy Victim | 54 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✠ N1ghtmare ✠ | +4.47 | 86 | 60 |
| #2 | Brian | +2.17 | 69 | 38 |
| #3 | mykxy | +1.69 | 32 | 47 |
| #4 | R9 | +0.84 | 50 | 37 |
| #5 | Lukazoid | -0.29 | 63 | 32 |





