








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 393 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 385 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3751 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,027 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1323 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1946 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2612 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2146 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,131,190 of utility $215 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 222 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Lou | 48% | 347 |
| #3 | knoca- | 48% | 248 |
| #4 | pit | 48% | 386 |
| #5 | DerZonk | 44% | 266 |
| #6 | EXi7 | 42% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lou | 7 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | DerZonk | 5 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | knoca- | 5 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | pit | 1 | 0.0001 |
| #5 | EXi7 | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | knoca- | 1499 | 0.29 | 41 min |
| #2 | DerZonk | 369 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #3 | pit | 264 | 0.03 | 5 min |
| #4 | Lou | 131 | 0.02 | 3 min |
| #5 | EXi7 | 53 | 0.04 | 1 min |





