








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 124 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 200 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2425 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,112 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1390 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1218 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 2142 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1362 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $678,336 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 269 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dynamiK | 68% | 19 |
| #2 | peak male performance | 51% | 118 |
| #3 | chilly | 46% | 35 |
| #4 | Mišokrawa | 45% | 141 |
| #5 | Astromanium | 42% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Astromanium | 42% | 19 |
| #6 | rizlaQ | 40% | 30 |
| #7 | ED1K | 39% | 18 |
| #8 | Freaky Fred | 38% | 37 |
| #9 | Halco | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mišokrawa | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | peak male performance | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Halco | 2 | 0.0065 |
| #4 | rizlaQ | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | dynamiK | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | peak male performance | 286 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #2 | Mišokrawa | 191 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | Freaky Fred | 103 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | ED1K | 74 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #5 | chilly | 55 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dynamiK | +4.22 | 58 | 75 |
| #2 | Diony | +1.58 | 54 | 49 |
| #3 | peak male performance | -0.32 | 54 | 57 |
| #4 | Freaky Fred | -0.47 | 45 | 60 |
| #5 | Halco | -1.22 | 59 | 56 |





