








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 362 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 158 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




58 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1268 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,166 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 554 | 13% |
| Smokes | 906 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1545 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 1161 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $566,008 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 570 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 3 dollars, 73 cents | 57% | 30 |
| #2 | Hamid Karzai | 54% | 26 |
| #3 | DexterRexter | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | SpaceDozer | 41% | 41 |
| #5 | Frank Chile | 41% | 129 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Hamid Karzai | 54% | 26 |
| #3 | DexterRexter | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | SpaceDozer | 41% | 41 |
| #5 | Frank Chile | 41% | 129 |
| #6 | sex haver | 36% | 112 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frank Chile | 69 | 0.0276 |
| #2 | sex haver | 10 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | 3 dollars, 73 cents | 4 | 0.0072 |
| #4 | SpaceDozer | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | DexterRexter | 2 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frank Chile | 113 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #2 | DexterRexter | 64 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | 3 dollars, 73 cents | 55 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | sex haver | 35 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | SpaceDozer | 31 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DexterRexter | +3.31 | 91 | 73 |
| #2 | SpaceDozer | +1.49 | 67 | 43 |
| #3 | 3 dollars, 73 cents | +1.47 | 69 | 49 |
| #4 | Hamid Karzai | +0.39 | 76 | 50 |
| #5 | Frank Chile | +0.26 | 41 | 50 |





