








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 359 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 170 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2284 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,677 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 731 | 16% |
| Smokes | 957 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1574 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1415 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $608,702 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 486 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | taylalex | 42% | 100 |
| #8 | poopnoodle (Gigi) | 40% | 43 |
| #9 | chickenz | 36% | 53 |
| #10 | luka tim | 36% | 14 |
| #11 | Dadam | 27% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rigobert | 15 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | PissBucket2000 | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | taylalex | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Dadam | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | Señor Vac | 2 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PissBucket2000 | 983 | 0.27 | 26 min |
| #2 | Rigobert | 583 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #3 | taylalex | 99 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | Señor Vac | 98 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | rjdub | 90 | 0.05 | 2 min |





