








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 689 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 309 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




47 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3410 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,179 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3427 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2894 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2152 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2706 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,041,955 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1942 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Señor Vac | 59% | 27 |
| #2 | IDC | 46% | 201 |
| #3 | taylalex | 43% | 145 |
| #4 | PissBucket2000 | 43% | 214 |
| #5 | rjdub | 40% | 134 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | PissBucket2000 | 43% | 214 |
| #5 | rjdub | 40% | 134 |
| #6 | poopnoodle (Gigi) | 36% | 53 |
| #7 | chickenz | 30% | 83 |
| #8 | Dadam | 25% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | IDC | 12 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | PissBucket2000 | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | taylalex | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Dadam | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | chickenz | 3 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PissBucket2000 | 1196 | 0.27 | 31 min |
| #2 | IDC | 180 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #3 | taylalex | 143 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #4 | poopnoodle (Gigi) | 131 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | rjdub | 125 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Señor Vac | +3.68 | 79 | 73 |
| #2 | IDC | +1.17 | 59 | 47 |
| #3 | poopnoodle (Gigi) | +0.82 | 56 | 46 |
| #4 | rjdub | +0.81 | 70 | 38 |
| #5 | taylalex | -0.27 | 59 | 63 |





