








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1619 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,468 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1131 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1430 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 655 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1252 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $406,409 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pixnum | 71% | 34 |
| #2 | bubls | 68% | 22 |
| #3 | Kazuto | 64% | 45 |
| #4 | Doug DimmaDaddy | 64% | 14 |
| #5 | lol | 64% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Caped | 63% | 46 |
| #7 | Zoom | 57% | 99 |
| #8 | shlima | 57% | 23 |
| #9 | comiskey | 53% | 15 |
| #10 | TinNeR | 42% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoom | 12 | 0.0058 |
| #2 | shlima | 6 | 0.0116 |
| #3 | bubls | 5 | 0.0114 |
| #4 | comiskey | 3 | 0.0095 |
| #5 | lol | 3 | 0.0098 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoom | 223 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | Kazuto | 143 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | Caped | 112 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | comiskey | 89 | 0.28 | 2 min |
| #5 | Pixnum | 58 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zoom | +2.14 | 90 | 50 |
| #2 | Solo ツ | +1.83 | 81 | 58 |
| #3 | Caped | +1.26 | 63 | 51 |
| #4 | TinNeR | +0.87 | 85 | 57 |
| #5 | bubls | +0.86 | 82 | 49 |





